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May 13, 2002

I walked into this garden...filled with all these magnificent plants and flowers.  I looked at myself and I was naked.  I didn't care though...I felt so free.  Then I looked around and behold...there he stood right across from me, also bare.  It was like Adam and Eve...he was my Adam...and I was his Eve.  I ran to him and he caught me in his warm embrace.  We kissed passionately, rubbing our hands all over each other's naked bodies.  And I felt body was tingling.  It was so was like something I've never felt before with any other man.  I kissed his lips, his neck, then his chest and then I moved to his manhood...

Yes...I had another Dr. Ryan dream.  This wasn't last night was the night before...after the Contemporary Ensemble concert.  I don't know why I've been having those dreams lately...I guess I just feel a lot of lust towards him.  A LOT of lust...And I feel so selfish For having these feelings.  He has a beautiful wife and 2 of the cutest kids I've ever seen...and what do I think of?  Fucking him wildly.  I try not to think about it, but it ends up being really hard at the end.  I have to think of a good way to stop myself from acting like a fool when I work with him at NYSSMA.