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April 10, 2002

Today kind of felt like any other day, but it wasn't.  It was like I was in a trance all day.  Especially theory.  All I could do was stare at Dr. Ryan and think about what it would be like to kiss him.  I don't know.  I think he's so hot, but that's me for you.  I always go for the older unattainable guys.  I mean he's only 34, but still, he's married.  So I can look, but I can't touch.  He's actually going to work with the strings on Monday for Contemporary Ensemble.  It's about fucking time.  We need alot of help.  Especially the 3rd and 4th violins.  It's funny, going back to the Dr. Ryan thing, I get so fucking happy every time I see him.  And in Theory I swear I could feel his eyes fixed on me and sure enough when I turned my head to look at him, there he was staring at me instead of his score.  I gave him a little smile and looked back at my copy of the Anton Webern score.  And my friend Ryan was like, "He thinks you're the hottest girl in the Department."  I was just like no, there are other really pretty girls in the music department.  Except none of them want to get into Dr. Ryan's pants more then I do.